Swiping Left on Lousy Friends
Each time I hear someone enviously wish they were still in their 20s, I’m left baffled. Having recently passed the halfway point of my second decade, I’ve found this to be a time in my life where I’ve felt the most isolated and the least carefree. While some of that could be attributed to a global pandemic, I’m doubtful my feelings will change. As I watch many of my friends start to settle down and I really mean settle, I’ve realized that the commonalities we once shared are no longer enough to continue our relationship. Have I mastered a way to tell them that? Hell no! But while I reflect on why I’m spending another weekend alone; I’ve noticed some patterns that leave me embarrassed to admit that I’ve yet to kick many of these friends to the curb.
6 Types of Lousy Friends
1. The “Just Not That into You”: This friend has no time for you. You reach out to them, and they are never around. Doesn’t matter if it’s a month in advance or the day before, they are always busy. They are going to a winery or brunch or have tickets for a show and while they’d ‘love’ to hang out, you are never invited to any of these events. Social media serves as a constant reminder of just how busy they really are and just how not interested they are in inviting you to anything they have planned. I thought the concept of “just not that into you” only applied to men you are dating but apparently it also applies to friends. Perhaps they don’t have the heart to tell you? Do the job for them and stop reaching out.
2. The “Ghoster”: You text them to hang out and there is radio silence on their end. By the time they do respond to you, days and/or weeks have passed. They use the excuse that they don’t spend that much time on their phone. You expect me to believe hard that as a 20-something year old in 2022, you only check your phone once every few days? Bullshit. If the fact that they don’t respect you enough to respond in a timely manner doesn’t bother you. Then ghosting and lying about it should do it. Do yourself a favor, lose their number.
3. The “Only Around When Their Boyfriend Isn’t” (my least favorite): You don’t hear from them for weeks but suddenly their boyfriend is out of town, and they are desperate to see you. Really? It’s pretty insulting to always be a second choice. You can’t call me your best friend but only make an effort to see me when you’re bored because your boyfriend is not around. This friend is honestly toxic, their boyfriend is all that matters to them, and your best option is to keep as much distance from them as possible.
4. The “Only Reaches Out When Something is Wrong”: This is the friend who forgets your birthday, ignore your invites to get together but calls you at 1am when they break up with their boyfriend only to get back together with him less than a week later. Simply put, this friendship is a one-way street where their wellbeing is always more important than yours. Wait for them to initiate something the next time. I’m betting they won’t.
5. The “One Who Always Cancels”: This is the friend who makes plans with you, gets your hopes up and then cancels the day of because they got a better offer (usually from their boyfriend). You cater to their busy schedule only for them to drop off the planet a few days before whatever you have planned. These are the same friends who tell you they feel left out when they bail on your plans, and you find someone to fill their place. Proceed with caution when planning anything with these friends. Eventually you will get tired of always needing a backup plan and let them go.
6. “Toxic Combo Special”: There are moments when all friendships get tested and it is necessary to approach every relationship with a certain amount of grace but there comes a point when forgiveness is no longer the answer. If you have friends who chronically fall into one or more of these categories, don’t make the same mistakes I have (repeatedly). While I’ve been intimidated at the idea of making new friends, it has become a necessity in this stage of my life. More often than not, being alone is better than being with people who don’t care about you.
